June 2012
5 posts
Sweet sweet music
Without you , I would lose my marbles. Seriously. This week was a test of will and I am surprised that I had kept my cool. Music definitely helps me say what I cannot say in a regular conversation.
“One day, a long time from now, you’ll cease to care any more whom you please or...”
– J.D. Salinger (via alecshao)
So true as of late.
cisbender:
when an artist wants to show you their art
or a writer wants you to read what they’ve written
it’s quite often an expression of trust
because a poem or a story or a painting are often things that come from the heart
little pieces of the artists themselves
and if they’re willing to share it with you
you should appreciate it
poker face?
I am slowly losing mine. I get the hint.
You’ll get mine soon if you push me.
I think as a first I might lose my civility.
I think too much.
Yep. Always. Especially late at night or early morning. That’s probably why I don’t get enough sleep XD.
May 2012
57 posts
My songs/ lyrics are getting progressively a lot...
I guess it is a coming of age thing. Also I have noticed the instrumental goes in a opposite or unpredictable direction.
I grew up in my sound from the last time I did a project of this magnitude since high school. Now 10 years later, it is my sound. No one elses. And it feels good.
Aaaaand I probably will post that song on a more private setting lol
My muse came back...
So excited to get my music/ message off the ground. This is truly a gift from God. I just had be honest with myself.
Alis Volat Propiis? I doubt that.
I had a conversation with a very old dear friend today to which she keeps exclaiming that I fight for something that I am passionate about. But sadly though I do enjoy her enthusiasm, I believe this is a lost cause and as a result, my muse has taken one of the worst of blows in years. Nothing I am composing is sound really good and I have two days to fix it.
Amazing how the heart controls that...
Many hours alone thinking
I have made a permanent decision of never getting married or having children. In this jaded world where people are denied the right to marriage or do not even comprehend the definition of honesty and respect , I refuse to partake in this selfish circle of it all.
I do not want to bring my creation into a world that is so screwed up and subject them to the possibilities of being hurt or maim them...
Adult Lesson
Nothing is set in stone. Ever.
Now what do I do?
I thought I knew what I wanted but this weekend proved that I am not quite sure. Or I am and I am afraid of the disappointment with wants.
I see on the horizon something that makes me incredibly happy in ways I could never imagine and a HUGE obstacle that is nearly impossible to beat.
If that is the case, is it still worth fighting for?
A side note
I am already working my future endeavors at recruitment…. I am putting my mind and body at work!!!!! Gotta take care of my future ^_^!
Almost found
After a two hour conversation with a friend I lost contact for two years, I have realized how blessed I am and how slowly things are working out. I almost found all I wanted and then some.
My health is slowly getting a hell of a lot better.
My music skills are finally waking up to where they should be.
I am learning things in life in general.
And this revelation came…. it is amazing...
” I Will Have my Name”...
This summer...
I need to go back to my roots and write music for piano. Less guitar or rather, record for both. All I know, is that piano needs to be back in my life full throttle. I am ready to go back to it fully with maturity and more understanding…with the passion I use to have for it.
I am back.
Unsettling Pacem
I need peace. But not in people.
I have found my piece in music. I will make love to it, cradle it, call it my own. It will be my companion and tell me everything is going to be “ok”.
But I will not find it in people.
They will be sure on their aspirations. No hidden convictions or aspirations. Their melody lines clear and pleasant to the ear as if to utter that they love me.
But...
Good Riddance
Finally… got rid of a toxic person for good. They put the last nail in the coffin when they said something to hurt my reputation that was not true and thought it would not get back to me.
Though I will admit it hurts that 10 years of friendship had to end like this.
But then again those 10 years lost, is four years gain by an array of wonderful people in my life who take the time to know...
New Song! ” Tired of You”
Spoke too soon
Seriously? Seriously?
Is there not a decent human being in this planet? One that I can share my thoughts and be respected as a human being.
Great , now I am a recreational creature.
I seriously do not care if I am being a typical woman here. I don’t ask for diamonds or freaking rainbows. All I ask is for a partner in crime. Doesn’t have to be in the romantic sense.
This is why I...
When I am most stressed
I think of the best day of my life and how it shaped me forever. I am so grateful that I never gave up.
And I still won’t
I will get better and slowly things are coming together.
It is days like that that make me love being alive. Cannot wait to have more days like that and I am sure there are more to come. :)
4.0 gpa, good friends, great family, my music is getting noticed, singing in...
5 months and many situations later
Yep. I am very grateful that I had walked away from a potentially toxic marriage. This time I am not being vague. Best decision of my life now that things are finally coming together. I can sing better. I know how to be on my own. Can cook better. Can make the best of bad situations. I can truly be independent. I know how to be respected in an honest manner.
Best wonderful event out of this? I...
University = Money Pit of Doom
I am taking a summer course that is about 1000 some odd freaking dollars in cost of things I don’t even effing need and this effing course is waste of time and God damn money that I could learn this stuff on my own or with others …and some of this crap I am learning is sort of outdated!!! GAH. Dear MSU… I know how to use commands on Sibelius and I already mess around with music...
Dear Brain
Stop thinking. Just stop.
I never had things go this well before or rather, appreciate things more. I am finally getting what I want in different areas slowly.
But I am so afraid that I will screw up and lose them.
Stop it brain .
I should jump in head first. It seems to be working better.
Wish I would stop worrying about screwing up sometimes and start believing in myself for things.
...
Slow and Steady
I will wait. My faith is strong. By my hands I do no wrong. I think it’s love so lets not haste…
Slow and Steady wins the race.
Dear to whom it may concern
I should have trusted my gut and never felt obligated to be with you all 3 times.
You ruined a part of my life.
I cannot forgive you for that.
go f*ck yourself
This day is getting really really bad :’(
Dear mom,
Telling me ” I don’t want you to die” is not exactly what I want to hear with the situation at hand.
Sometimes , I do not know why I seek comfort from her at all.
I already escaped death once. I do not need a repeat of danger again.
Fuck negligent doctors. Fuck them all.
Can't sleep
For good reason. And even though I am told “it’s ok” I feel I am to blame for a lot of things.
If you will excuse me, life just forced me into fetal position.
My newest track called “Save The...